My Last Post

And here it is my last post of this semester... It is hard to believe that this semester is about to end in just 2 weeks. All classes will end soon and the holiday will come, and I'm going to be a 3rd-year student. Seems like yesterday when I first entered my first Directing 1's class. And now my second Directing 1's class is about to end.

In Directing 1, I personally think that this year's class is far more fun than last year. The learning process went much better and I think that this year is also more interactive. I believe that Charles and Willy experience the same thing as I do. Also, this year's projects are, in my opinion, more applicable for filmmaking. Maybe last year's "scene copying" project works as well, if I may say. But all these treatment, blogs and stuff really does work for me, at least.

To be honest, I can say that so far this is my toughest semester during my time in film school, but this is also the semester in which I learned the most, be it academically or non-academically. I made A LOT of mistakes this semester, and many of them are fatal mistakes. I did not win the pitch (which I can say that it is because of my own mistake), I made another bad film (which is the result of mistakes that I made), in the production workshop I won most of the "worst" awards and so on and so forth. On the other hand, I took part in 2 of my seniors' projects and I became an Assistant Producer for Lisa and Angkasa's film, where from these projects I learned a lot more. I may say that I am not a fabulous Assistant Producer because still I made mistakes, and some mistakes gave not-so-good impacts towards the others. But, seeing from the positive sides, I really am grateful to have gone through this semester. I learned not just about filmmaking, but also about social skills and management, which I am still lack of it sometimes.

I am not happy with what I have done this semester, but I am happy to have the chance to undergo all these things, because now I know that those things that I did were mistakes and I know what to do next time. I guess learning from mistakes is the best thing to do. So I know exactly how to fix it because I know that it was a mistake. Of course I am not satisfied with my achievements this semester (because I achieved nothing). I sometimes think that I am even worse than my classmates, but I hope that this can be a push for me to be better next time, in the next projects.

To everyone that must gone through hard times because of me this semester, I truly am apologise for my mistakes. And to everyone who have taught me a lot of things this semester, I thank you all truly from my heart.

I really am excited to learn more in the next upcoming semesters. Thanks to this semester that I have learned more about myself as well.

Tukang Sayur

Lately I have been very interested with the existence of tukang sayur (mobile vegetable vendors). Since my film project goes around the life of tukang sayur and tukang tambal ban (people who fix wheels of vehicles, mostly cars, bikes motorcycles), I get to see tukang sayur in my neighbourhood and found that many of them are women (although there are men as well). They carry their carts or use bikes. One who usually sells right in front of my house even uses motorcycle. Her name is Minah.

Minah's motorcycle is placed with a huge blue wooden box that has compartments to place all of her merchandises. If she arrives in front of my house, she will scream "sayuuur" so that all the maids know that she is coming. On her arrival, her motorcycle will always be full of fresh vegetables, fruits, meat, chicken and fish. You name it, from coconuts, broccolis to skinned chicken claws and heads are there. She speaks Javanese to the Javanese maids and to the ones who are not originally from Central Java, she will speak Indonesian. Minah herself comes from Solo, Central Java. My maid said that her house is located not far from the Solo Balapan Train Station.

Everyday, Minah will go to Pasar Minggu to buy her merchandises. She starts shopping at 12 AM. She will arrive in my neighbourhood at around 8 to 9.30, a bit unpredictable, but never too far from that timing. She counts the price that each and every single maid would have to pay without using the calculator and sometimes even while talking to the other maids. Later on, when the maid has to pay, sometimes she forgets the price, and if the maid does not remember the price as well, she counts again, and with the same result.

I bet that her mathematical skill in counting all those prices is far better than me, who until now still needs calculator (or if it does not exist whenever I need it, my own freaking fingers) even for just simple mathematical problems like addition and subtraction.

I am interested in how Minah lives her life as a tukang sayur. I would like to know what are her activities besides selling vegetables, how does she buy all those merchandises in the market (or maybe she needs to compete with other tukang sayur) and how much does she earn a day. I talked to another tukang sayur who also sells in my neighbourhood (she usually sells near my complex's small garden) and she can spend up to Rp 600.000, - a day for all the merchandises that she bought to be sold. On the internet, I found out that a tukang sayur can earn up to Rp 1.000.000, - a day and can get the profit for up to Rp 250,000, -.

During the holidays, I would love to make a documentary about Minah and other tukang sayur, especially women. I bet their lives can be interesting to be filmed. Remembering Directing 1 class' instruction to never make a film about ourselves, I think making a film about those "marginalised yet important" people will make myself learn even more and it will be interesting.

Udaan

I love to collect Indian movies. I started to love collecting Indian movies when my brother lived in Singapore for 9 months back then when he was finishing his college. His roommates were apparently Indians straight from Bombay if I am not mistaken, so he got the chance to watch Indian films and eat Indian food cooked by real Indians. He brought me one Indian movie titled "Taare Zameen Par", directed by Aamir Khan. It was a really beautiful film and since that (oh, and before that, I watched "3 Idiots", of course), I have the urge to find and watch more Indian movies.

Yesterday, I watched this Hindi-Indian film titled "Udaan", or "Flight" in English. Just like most Indian films, the screen time is long, but minus the Bollywood songs and dances throughout the film. The director is Vikramaditya Motwane and this film was selected in the 2010 Cannes Film Festival to compete in the Un Certain Regard category.

This is the story of Rohan, a 17-year old boy who got dropped out from his school, Bishop Cotton School, in Shimla. He returned to Jamshedpur, Jharkhand (and based on my limited knowledge about Indian geography, Jharkhand is located in the eastern part of India, far from the center of India, and is known as "the land of forests"),  his hometown, to live with his father who have never met him for the past 8 years. Rohan's mother already passed away and his father is not a person with a good attitude. Rohan did not know that he actually had a 6-year old brother named Arjun, the son of his father and his second wife in which the marriage did not work out. Rohan wished to be an author and study arts and literature, but his hard father insisted on him to become an engineer, and worse, with his father's attitude, it is impossible for Rohan to get what he has always wanted.

Through this film, I can see that Rohan is a troubled boy who happens to become troublesome. The filmmaker tries to criticise many social aspects with a very smooth way. I bet there will people who can relate themselves with this film, although their conditions might not be entirely the same. The obstacles are built step-by-step, with ups and downs within the family itself, making us sympathise even more with Rohan. His character is so loveable that I want him to win this conquer.

I do not think that telling the end of the story and the whole story itself will be fun to do, but I do think that the need to tell people that this film succeeds in pointing out the social aspects within the smallest part of society which is family. This family is dysfunctional and yet Rohan does not stop with his condition. It is also the story of hope, in a very weird way. Also, only few women are portrayed in this film. Perhaps this is a man's film that is meant to be watched by everyone, including women.

I do recommend people to watch this film. You might not see the famous, handsome Indian actors, but you will see another reality out there, a hard reality that is being brought through film.

The Second Failure

Yes, I am pretty sure that everyone in the film school knows already about my bad film.

Last year I made such a bad film even I do not want to see it again. It was a compilation of bad works from most departments, especially script. Oh, remembering that makes me want to laugh on myself. How could I produce and direct such kind of film last year?

This year, I returned and... made another bad film. I guess for some, it was even worse. Not from the picture-wise, but it is more to the directing wise. To be honest, this year's rough cut was even harder and rougher for me than last year. It gave such a big impact that I thought that directing might not be my expertise.

I realize that there are many aspects from my film that needed to be improved. Believability is the first thing. Then, story. Then, the direction. And so on and so forth, I bet there will be a lot of things that I am going to list here if I need to recheck on my film. What makes it harder for me is because I can pretty much say that this is my second (well, I actually think that this is my first) film and yet I made another fatal mistake.

On set, I had so much fun. I got to work with my Focus friends who are willing to help me sincerely without any complaints (at all, yes, at all), I have actors who are close to me, I have a still photographer who captured moments during my shoot, I have a senior who is also willing to help me sincerely as my DOP (who then came up with beautiful pictures that amazed the lecturers, thanks Mike). But turned out that the result was not as fun as the making itself, yes of course. I missed and messed up at a lot of spots. I realised that my story became way too offensive that it made me feel worse than last year.

I started to be ashamed of myself, but I want to give myself another chance. Next year, I am thinking of pitching myself as a producer. I realise that I am a pretty weak director, but I believe that I can pretty much manage things. I am an assistant producer this year and I have learned from both producer and director on how do they work. I spend more time with my producer helping to manage things, count the budget, know the expenses and so on. I guess I can use the knowledge that I have learned this year for next year's production.

Remembering what everyone told me that school is the time to make mistakes and learn, at least that can make me feel a bit better. I have another chance, this Sunday to be exact, to reshoot my film. I want to give myself a chance. I do not want to expect too much, but I want to be better. That is all I can say.

Failures. Everyone has failures and mistakes. The least I can be grateful of is that I did not make the same mistake like last year, and I hope that I can minimise my mistakes and make a better film next Sunday.

3 Days to Shoot

Sorry for not updating this blog for a long time.

I have been very busy this past 3 weeks. Until now I have joined 3 film productions. Started with the shoot of "Crush" (which is my own team, along with Angkasa and Lisa), then "Big Love" (Henna and Gio) and the last was "Eden" (Mike and George). Now I am doing my preproduction for my own film, "Klepek-klepek", which is actually the final task for this class, Directing 1.

Through the whole 3 weeks, I must admit that I learned so much from my team and senior's production. The leap from last year's production to this year's production is so big that I realised I have not known many things related to filmmaking. Filmmaking is not an easy thing to do. There are a lot of stuff (including pressures) going on and we must be able to arrange all those things in harmony to be able to make a good film.

In Crush, my job description was to become Lisa's Assistant Producer. I helped her breaking down the budget, being the Craft Service (which was a really big thing to do, since we had more crew members on the third day compared to the first and second day so we should add more food), breaking down the script and becoming a Production Assistant (yes, PA) during the production days. Crush took 3 days to shoot. We had 2 locations: Willy's house in Pantai Indah Kapuk and Binus FX for all the campus scenes except the toilet scene which was done in Binus JWC (oh, actually we also did an exterior scene in the halte right in front of Binus JWC). There were many obstacles coming towards us especially budget constrain and time limit, but thank God the whole team could manage it.

In both Big Love and Eden, I also became a PA. Basically I helped cleaning the set, buying cigarettes for other crew members (since I do not smoke), making and serving cups of coffee and tea and do other stuff. Big Love was shot in Meruya and Eden was shot in Bintaro. Seniors had more crew members than us, moreover many of them are recruited (not from Binus). These 2 productions were my first experiences working with many people outside from Binus, especially they are the professional ones.

My own preproduction drives me crazy. I have to deal with production and directing stuff at the same time for 1 week (thank God I have Phoen as my Producer, so he can help me in some other stuff related to production-wise). The biggest thing throughout my own preproduction is the change of script and story. But I enjoy it so much. I believe that I will learn a lot from my own production, especially as a Director. I also want to apply all the things I learned throughout the other productions that I joined to my production, so I do not have to make the same mistake or I can follow what they did if that works.

Yes, it is exhausting and it makes me cannot sleep. But I really want it to be good and I am putting my positive spirit right now.

Projects

About a week (or less) then now, I will be shooting my first project as an Assistant Producer which is "Crush", directed by Angkasa Ramadhan and produced by Lisa Kosdi. Honestly, I am excited, but anxious at the same time. This will be my first shooting with proper management and preparation. We hire crew from outside Binus International, we do proper casting, scouting and readings. We have much bigger budget compared to last year's project and we really take things seriously.

I hope that I really can be a great Assistant Producer for "Crush" and I can learn a lot of things that I may apply to my next project, "Chemistry". I also hope that i can be a great Director for it. 

Yes, it is hard to manage 2 projects, especially when I have to deal with so many preparations. Plus, I work outside as well. It makes me feel even harder to manage my time. At one time, I have to deal with my own script and reading schedules. I have to think about the execution of the story. At another time I have to make sure that all production stuff within the "Crush" project is fulfilled. I go with my crew for consultations, I help them looking for crew/actors, I plan the budget and take notes of all expenses. Then, in between, I still have to do my job outside. Yes, it is hard. It is not easy to manage 3 things at the same time. But that is what I have to do. And I do not feel these as a burden for me.

Honestly, I believe with the belief of "learning can happen at all times". Yes, I do believe that we can learn from things around us, anywhere and anytime. That is what I am trying to implement in my mind. From "Crush", I learn a lot. Ms. Illa once taught us how to use MovieMagic Budgeting and Scheduling in class (the thing we learn in Film Production II and not Film Production I) that really brings ease to my job as Assistant Producer. I learn the harsh decisions in filmmaking, how to work in a group and how to fix things fast without actually changing the essence of it. From "Chemistry", I also learn a lot. I refresh my mind about Directing I lessons. I learn how to fix a script and most importantly, to listen. To listen and make decision.

Yes, making a decision, especially when the circumstance is tough, is hard. But yeah, the hard decision still has to be made.

I actually want to work on a project about "tukang tambal ban" and "tukang sayur" with the same style of "Chemistry". But I do not have time in preparing it, especially when it comes to 2 weeks of shooting it. I want to work on it on holidays. I need people to help me giving references as well, along with my little research about those two "tukang".

Yes, this is just the small start of the real filmmaking. I have 2 projects going. It is tiring and it takes my time. But this is my choice and I will do it. 

Now, I feel like the film world is saying to me: welcome to the real world.

My Favorite Children Book

In Aksara Kemang, technically my job is as Children Officer's Helper. What I do is help the officer of this section. To explain more, our store has several sections:

1. Fiction and Sastra Indonesia - sells fiction and Indonesian literature books
2. Business - sells business and marketing books
3. Design - sells graphic design, fashion, interior design and architecture books
4. Music - sells music CDs, headphones and legendary band anthologies
5. Gift - sells various gifts from birthday candles to antique telephones
6. Children (which I am positioned) - sells various children books from many categories for age 0-12, puzzles, art and craft stuff and many others related to children.

One other section that is included in the store but not physically is the Special Pre-Order section that gives the chance for people who wish to buy something from Aksara but at the moment there is no stock for it.

Once I was in the store. I forgot what time and day was it, but I pretty much remember that it was in the afternoon. Not many people were visiting at the moment, so I spent some time visiting my section to read children books. I was told by the previous officer that I have to spend some time reading children books in order to know the content of the books. So I picked a book titled "A Sick Day for Amos McGee" by Philip C. Stead.

Amos is an old zoo keeper. He is a very loyal person and he always takes care of the animals in the zoo which he considers as friends. He spends time with the animals and helps them when they need him. Every morning, the animals always wait for his visit. But one day, Amos is sick and cannot work. The animals have been waiting for him but he still does not show up until noon, so they gather and take the public bus to his house to pay a visit. Like Amos who is always caring, this day the animals take care of Amos. In the end, they stay over at Amos' house and spend the night together.

Basically, the story is just so full of fantasy  (like playing cards, chess and singing with animals - things you wouldn't do with them especially the ones in the zoo), but that is the point of being children. Children must be full of imagination. Children learn about reality from unreal things so they know that things can come up from everywhere. They learn manners from animal characters, for instance, so they know not just the manners, but also the animals. And this really applies to me. As an aspiring filmmaker, I have to always fulfill myself with imagination. I can't describe how blissful it is to read children books; it makes you feel like a child again, but this time, it makes you think how big a human mind is that it can create such beautiful visual stories. I think it really applies to filmmaking.

I wish I could adapt this book into a film. I want to make people feel the beautiful fantasy from things that is as near as the zoo. I want children to have a fantastic childhood from enjoying a small piece like this.

This is my favorite children book being sold in Aksara, until another book titled "Too Small for My Big Bed" arrives from the USA for the next shipment. It is about mother-son relationship through tigers. It does not replace this book as my favorite though, these two are my favorites

The Coffee and Toast Chat

Last Thursday, we had a 2-session makeup class of Communication, Media and Propaganda. This subject is lectured by Alex Sihar. We had the makeup class in Binus FX, so we held the class in Ya Kun Kaya Toast instead of studying in the classroom because we were hungry and we wanted a class outside the classroom. Our chitchats were so fun and it made my mind opened to many things. There were me and some of the classmates.

We ordered coffee and toasts. At first, we had a chitchat about Cynthia's project which is the LGBT PSA. About how Cynthia should approach and who is the target market. At first, Cynthia proposed to make the PSA for the LG people. But then, after the discussion, we found out that maybe Cynthia can also approach the parents of the LG people. There was even the random chat of "what if your child is a gay/lesbian". Various answers were thrown from all of us. 

But, from all discussions, one of the most memorable chats that I had is about the restoration of the film Lewat Djam Malam. Alex, as the head of Konfiden, worked hard for 2 years so he could get the funding for his restoration project. He asked funding from the Government of Indonesia and talked with 2 ministers but he did not get any response. The one who finally gave funding is National Museum of Singapore (NMS) and World Film Cinema under Martin Scorsese's supervising. When Alex traveled around to many various international festivals, he got praises because he (as the representation of Konfiden) restored this film. Many people gave thanks because this film is counted as one of the films with the most impact within the Indonesian film history and also the society. At first, with many rejections and his decision to continue, he got the reel of the film and he felt so sad. "It was full of dirt, I was really afraid that this might break," Alex said. But in the end, when it finally succeeded and it was screened around the world (including in the cinemas), he was relieved. "I did not give the original of the copy to be screened. It went directly to the place to keep it. I won't let any operator touch it. I worked that for 2 freaking weeks!" Alex cried.

The discussion of the film restoration opened my mind about how "not deep" the Government thinks about preserving our own history through film. We as the future (and all of the "already becoming filmmakers") filmmakers should understand how important it is to know our history through films. It makes us feel that we have to be responsible to make better films after knowing more references.

It makes me feel that we as Indonesians must care about our own films. If not, who else? You sure you want other foreign people funding your own history's restoration? You sure that you do not want to keep something good so that your next offspring can see it? I do not think so :)

Not to be Mistaken as Cocky Though...

On the third semester, Binus International Film School second year students will get the 'Introduction to Documentary' class. Taught by Ms. Swastika Nohara who is an experienced documentary filmmaker, we learn how to make a documentary film. We watch a lot of documentary films, we got a session with an experienced documentary film DOP named Yahdi Jamhur and learn about documentary camera techniques (since it is documentary, moment is what we capture, therefore our equipment shall not troublesome us, but at the same time give the best we need), we learn about recording sound in documentary film, we went to ChopShots Internantional Documentary Film Festival (I volumteered there as well) to watch and meet documentary filmmakers, we propose what documentary film that each of us want to make and in the end we make our own short documentary films. The time limit is from 5 to 12 minutes.

My documentary film is the longest among all students in class, approximately 12 minutes. It was about 5 teenagers and young adults from 15-20 years old talking about faith and religion. That particular idea came after a long discussion with Ms. Tika and Mr. Tito our head of school. It was not easy to get that, at first I was thinking of something much bigger than that, like interviewing the head of FPI to ask about tolerance among religions in Indonesia in his mind. Mr. Tito gave suggestion that I better start with something smaller and reachable within my circumstances, so then the idea of interviewing fellow friends who have their own opinions about god, religion, faith and spirituality then popped up.

Honestly, I never thought that I would explain clearly about this project to my mother who is a very devoted Christian (and I appreciate that). The idea of screening this film right in front of my mother's eyes never came up to me. I just did this project kind of 'silently' because I never told my parents about the progress. What they saw was just me editing this film a whole day long, sometimes even more, without really knowing what the result is. I thought that my mom may contradict with this film's message and that was my motivation in not telling my family what I was doing.

Then, all of a sudden, on one beautiful Sunday morning, when I just woke up from sleep (and not even moving my body from the bed yet), my mom came into my room and said: "I like your documentary film". Something I have NEVER expected. 

I never screened my film to my mom, I bet it was my father who screened it to her since I copied the film from my hard disk to the laptop. I did that because I need to show the film to my new music composer (I have a song for the film already, but since I could not find the permit to use this song in commercial circumstances, so I contacted my ex Store Manager to compose a song for this documentary film). Then my father watched the film and showed it to my mom.

I never want to compliment myself because I kmow that this film has a lot of weaknesses as well (especially from its technical side), but to hear my mom who has a different way in seeing religion with me saying that she likes my film really boosts my spirit. It made my day. 

Just like Mr. Robin who gave me the spirit to carry on directing films, my mother, in her own way, gave me the spirit that although I once failed, I can move on and believe that I can be better. Film can be a medium for us to share what we cannot share directly. I know that film is where I belong and I always want to be a better person every time, making more and more better-quality films.

Thanks to my mom and dad. I hope that my next films can be a part of their lives, taken from a part of me saying how grateful I am to be their child. Hopefully, someday my films can make them proud too.

The So-called Reflection?

Dear my valued readers,

I failed my pitch. I did not win the directing nor producing pitch. I am a Production Assistant and I will be working for Willy and Lisa. Willy is the director and Lisa is the producer. The film is "How to Say Hi to Your Crush" based on a script written by Charles and Cynthia.

Thank you for all your support and prayers for me this past month.

Sincerely,

Shadia Pradsmadji.

--

LOL. This post is NOT a letter. That was just me, wishing if I were a big person. Then that letter might be valuable. Hahahahaha. I'm just making fun so that this post would not be boring.

But yeah, my failure in the pitch was something. It took my attention.

It took my nerves to write this personal thing. 

Honestly, I am okay with my defeat. I am fine with the fact that I did not win the pitch. Why? Because I knew that I suck at my Producer's Pitch. I was so concentrated on my Director's Pitch because I believe that my spot is to be the director of the script that I was pitching, which is Willy's script. I made my Producer's Pitch just as ordinary as possible since I really want to be the director, not producer. It was a mistake. The panel told me that I should have been prepared for my Producer's Pitch as well. So, I failed. And I become a Production Assistant. But, what makes me not okay with the situation is that... Willy and Charles won the pitch. Willy as a director, Charles as a producer. I am fine with their achievement, but I am not fine with myself. Here is why.

Willy, Charles and I are repeating students. We repeat Directing 1 this year. We repeat with the fact that we got D in this particular course, which should have been C for its lowest pass. But guess what, this year, they won. They won the pitch. They are repeating students, and they won. This means that they are coming back with a better result. They can proof that they are able to direct and produce. 

As for me, I am the ONLY repeating student who did NOT win the pitch.

Last year, I had my failure. I must admit that my film sucks so bad. Like, in all departments. Including myself. I do not even want to put the film in my portfolio list. I was so ashamed that I just want to put that film in my "things-to-be-laughed-so-hard-in-the-next-20-years" list. I really can accept the fact that I have to repeat the class again, although I only lack 2 marks to get the lowest pass. I know I am wrong and I need to learn more.

But this year, I failed again. Not as big as last year, which is failing the whole film, but this year I failed my pitch. Something that I really put hope at. If you read my last blog, I was so sure that I can win this battle. But I was wrong. I was way too confident. I did not realize that things can happen not the way I wish, like now. 

Again, I must put note that I am fine with failing the pitch, but I am not fine with myself. 

It made me feel like I am bad. I am starting to question my capability. Am I really that bad? What makes me not winning the pitch? Why, from 3 directors that got chosen, am I placed the fourth? Why am I failing again?

Seriously. Why did I fail again? Am I that dumb that I do not learn from my mistakes so that I fail again? Willy and Charles got theirs. I did not. I know this is so freaking selfish, but I want to know why the panel did not choose me, just for the sake of reflection, so that I can repair and fix myself in the future.

Because I am enough with failing. 

People say that we must be optimist in facing this life, because there are unexpected things that can happen at any times. I am not being a pessimist, but I am questioning the truth. I still keep my optimism in this film and myself because I am going to direct this film for Directing 1. I will change the schedule so that it fits the whole Focus batch's schedule. 

Yeah, at least I still keep the fire in myself and in this film for Directing 1. I believe that THIS TIME, I will NOT fail again. 

Again, I am done failing. It is enough. It is time to learn. 

Mr. Tito said that we will reach our perfectionism in our fourth year. This is still a long process to go. I agree with that, but I do not agree with the fact that I am not learning something from my previous failure. Is this considered as that?

In Mr. Robin's class, he once asked all of us about "what is your biggest fear". Now I have a new big fear. My biggest fear is that I am a failure. 

I do not want to be an epic fail. 

My Day, Their Night: Passion!

I am writing this while waiting for my director's pitch turn, near room 303, both of Directing 1 and Directing 2's room.

Honestly, I am nervous, but also excited and anxious at the same time. It's like all feelings are mixed into one. Gado-gado, the delicious Indonesian salad, has bumbu kacang, vegetables, sometimes chilli and rice or lontong in it. That is how I feel like now; like the gado-gado.

But I believe that I can conquer this. I can win this. This is my day and I will make it happen. I believe that God will give me the strength to carry on, I believe that my efforts will not go into waste. Even so, I will still make this film. Winning this or not, I will make this film. But of course I want to win. This is my chance to win. I hope I can get the chance.

I immediately fall in love with Willy's script. I want to direct this. At first I was not confident, but after attending Mr. Robin's class and consulting with Ms. Mouly (that will be you, miss :D) I am sure that I can do this. I have a connection with the story. I am sure I can bring the story to people out there. I will give my best. I can give my best. I am not perfect, but I believe that this will be a start of something better for me.  

After this, I will go to Casa Kemang, a restaurant just above Aksara Kemang. Tonight will be the night of my Store Manager, Assistant Store Manager and Gift Officer. They will be leaving Aksara Kemang at the same time. As told before, my Store Manager will be heading to Dublin to do a music scoring for a film. He has not told me the title. But I am sure that he'll do good. Assistant Store Manager will be doing her thesis and Gift Officer will be moving to Kalimantan to start a new life there. I am sure we will all go on our own tracks and that will be good.

I am sad to be left by my new friends, to be honest. I love my friends. They have become like a new family for me. They supported me when I was sick, threw jokes at me so I can laugh, talk a lot about a lot of things. We work, we sell books and gifts, but we also build a new relationship. I know that our meeting is not long, it is just a month, but this one month has become a very beautiful month for me. February, the month of happiness. Having my documentary screened at the final cut, starting to work, meeting new friends, having the first classes for all subjects in this semester. I am grateful to have a great time. I hope they will have theirs as well. 

This is my day and their night. We will have hellos and goodbyes, good luck and carry on. A hello to my new experience, a goodbye to my beloved friends, a good luck for us and carry on!

PASSION! That is what makes us choose what we want to do! That is why I am here, waiting for my pitch. That is why my Store Manager decided to move to Dublin. Passion is what keeps us going. :)

Going Back to Normal

This week was a very dynamic yet shocking for me.

My disease has disappeared and I have been healed.

I have returned to college after a week of not coming to classes. I have also started working again after not coming for a lot of shifts within almost 2 weeks. Honestly, I love going back to my routine. Wake up in the morning, get a cup of coffee, take a shower with warm water and then going to college or work. But, since I just got healed and still try to return my body's condition into being fit and normal and "used to the routine again", this week, I skipped the coffee part.

When I returned to college, I then realized that pitching for Directing 2 will be exactly one week after my return. I must rush all my preparation. I still have not found some things for my pitching, but I believe I can manage it until Friday comes. Also, since I missed a week, I missed a lot of information. I am glad that all my friends are helpful and willing to share the information I missed this week.

I am very grateful to have the chance to start my college week again (after a while) with Directing 2 class. The topic was all about ourselves. I was really glad to know that there are many things out there that can be discussed or seen from many different perspectives, also to know that we as human beings are never the same. My perspective of seeing something might be different from others and that is totally okay. That shows how we see the world. Mr. Robin closed the class with a quote that really gave me spirit: "it is okay to be imperfect; that's what makes it perfect. No one is perfect and you are not alone."

Also, when I returned to work this week, I am very grateful to get the chance to meet my Store Manager and Assistant Store Manager. Actually, since they are going to resign by March 15, they have stopped coming to the store in the weekends, but perhaps some things made them coming this Saturday. I got to talk with them after a while since I was sick and I was really happy because I got to hear their stories again. My Store Manager told me about his preparation in moving to Dublin, while my Assistant Store Manager brought us pizzas. I love all my friends in Kemang. They can always make me laugh and entertained even in my bad times (like when I was sick).

I am nervous for the next week's pitching, but at the same time I am also spirited. I want to go back to my routine as fast as I can. Classes are what makes me "alive", without going to college my life felt dull. I am spirited to start this week. I believe that I can go through this week nicely and without major obstacles. I believe I can get back to my routine again and become better.

PS: I am writing this in a bit of headache. Tonight I had beef ribs and pizza for dinner and I guess those are salty (although very delicious), so I got thirsty and headache at the same time.

Thanks to Technology

This week was a mixture of fun but not fun week. I got hospitalized due to a certain viral infection (which was at first suspected as chikungunya but turned out that the disease was actually measles and not chikungunya) and I was infused and injected with needle many times. Honestly, I do not mind being infused or injected. I can deal with those, but what I could not deal was the fact that my disease actually got worse after I was hospitalized.


So I was hospitalized on Wednesday, February 27 and went home on Friday, March 1. But today, Sunday, March 3, in the morning, my hands and arms were full of rashes, so my parents decided to take me to the hospital again. I was mad. Seriously, like crazy. I have had enough of my blood being taken by the injections. I do not want anymore blood test, but what else could I do? The hospital insisted to have my blood for the blood test, so I snapped... I got mad at the nurse who insisted to take my blood because I told him that I have no more spot to be injected by the needle. My right hand is swelling, my left arm is full of injection wounds. No more place! But he still insisted, saying that he must give it a try. He was wrong. He did not get the blood from me, I was mad because he insisted to still inject me and in the end... the doctor sent me to the laboratory so my blood could be taken through another way.

Anyhow, going to the hospital today (no, actually with the fact that my body is full of rashes and that I am sick again) has ruined my mood and my plan. I have planned of going to Aksara Kemang today. I have been working there as a customer service for a month now and today will be the day for my Store Manager and Assistant Store Manager to give us last briefing. They both will be resigning starting March 15. The Store Manager will be moving to Dublin to do his job as a music composer for a film and the Assistant Store Manager will start preparing her thesis, majoring in anthropology.


Honestly, I have been waiting for today since Friday. I tried to sleep more, eat at the right timing and drink all the medicine given so that today I have enough strength to go to Aksara Kemang. I was so optimistic that I would make it today, but these rashes have ruined my plan so I could not go to Kemang. Moreover, measles is contagious. I would not want any of my friends there got infected because of me, especially my Store Manager who is currently preparing a big deal in his life. I was so sad knowing that I could not make it today, so I asked one of my friends there to connect me through Skype, so I can still listen to the briefing although I could not be there. It actually worked, I succeeded in listening to 2 and a half hours of the briefing, but after that my friend's internet got disconnected because of the heavy rain in Kemang. But that would be better than nothing. At least I have listened to 2 and a half hours out of many hours they spent for the briefing. I have got the main points and important information given from my Store Manager and his Assistant for the continuity of the store. My Store Manager has mentioned some candidates that will be replacing him and his Assistant and gave us instructions on how to deal with new people. And most importantly, I was so happy I could see all my friends' faces and listen to their voices after almost one week being absent due to this illness.


Disease can actually ruin anything, but thanks to technology that can facilitate people from all places and time zones around the world, now I can cut half of my sadness. I am so grateful. Thanks Skype! :)