The Second Failure

Yes, I am pretty sure that everyone in the film school knows already about my bad film.

Last year I made such a bad film even I do not want to see it again. It was a compilation of bad works from most departments, especially script. Oh, remembering that makes me want to laugh on myself. How could I produce and direct such kind of film last year?

This year, I returned and... made another bad film. I guess for some, it was even worse. Not from the picture-wise, but it is more to the directing wise. To be honest, this year's rough cut was even harder and rougher for me than last year. It gave such a big impact that I thought that directing might not be my expertise.

I realize that there are many aspects from my film that needed to be improved. Believability is the first thing. Then, story. Then, the direction. And so on and so forth, I bet there will be a lot of things that I am going to list here if I need to recheck on my film. What makes it harder for me is because I can pretty much say that this is my second (well, I actually think that this is my first) film and yet I made another fatal mistake.

On set, I had so much fun. I got to work with my Focus friends who are willing to help me sincerely without any complaints (at all, yes, at all), I have actors who are close to me, I have a still photographer who captured moments during my shoot, I have a senior who is also willing to help me sincerely as my DOP (who then came up with beautiful pictures that amazed the lecturers, thanks Mike). But turned out that the result was not as fun as the making itself, yes of course. I missed and messed up at a lot of spots. I realised that my story became way too offensive that it made me feel worse than last year.

I started to be ashamed of myself, but I want to give myself another chance. Next year, I am thinking of pitching myself as a producer. I realise that I am a pretty weak director, but I believe that I can pretty much manage things. I am an assistant producer this year and I have learned from both producer and director on how do they work. I spend more time with my producer helping to manage things, count the budget, know the expenses and so on. I guess I can use the knowledge that I have learned this year for next year's production.

Remembering what everyone told me that school is the time to make mistakes and learn, at least that can make me feel a bit better. I have another chance, this Sunday to be exact, to reshoot my film. I want to give myself a chance. I do not want to expect too much, but I want to be better. That is all I can say.

Failures. Everyone has failures and mistakes. The least I can be grateful of is that I did not make the same mistake like last year, and I hope that I can minimise my mistakes and make a better film next Sunday.