Hey readers (if any),
I'm back.
I've been away from this blog for quite some time, if not a long time--I'll take that as a truth. It's been a year and five months since my last post. I promised you a series, but it never happened and is not happening (well, maybe it might happen soon, but I don't see it happening for the time being). Forgive me, really, my sincere apologies to all of you (and to myself). Because the thing is, sometimes things just happen that those would deter you from doing things. It's hard to explain what are those 'things', but I believe, everybody has it.
I get busy (yeah, everybody gets busy, duh) with life. There has been a lot of things going on with me within the past year. My life has gone through thick and thin and I have decided by this writing that being silent for too long isn't gonna do any good, not at least to myself.
The cancelation of the series that I promised you (and myself) to write as I have stated above is based on the fact that the series is no longer relevant for me. It lost its essence. While I was preparing for it (plus I do have a problem with procrastination, which might deter me from doing something right away at that exact moment), in August, not too long after I published the teaser for that series, I got a job offer from a good friend and mentor of mine. His life is based within film criticism and analysis and he, alongside his two fellows which are also my mentors and friends, runs a website about world cinema. I personally have written two articles in the website and is technically one of its contributors.
About the job that he offered, he asked to me become a web journalist for an art event held in Jakarta, funded by the Government. When he offered me the job, I was unemployed and had nothing to do at that moment. I was searching for a job while also forcing myself into the process of accepting the fact that my thesis wasn't satisfactory--I actually learned a lesson or two from that whole thesis drama. I got introduced to the main editor, told that the event would take time starting in late August up until January (although my job would not be a full-time job), and asked if I would join the team. I said yes, and told that the salary offered would not be that much, but that all my necessities while doing the job would be covered. I wasn't alone, I was teamed with two others (one of them also being a friend of mine from the film website). My job as the journalist placed me on a journey I've never thought I would do someday, such as watching a live performance art held beside the Ciliwung River and talking to an architect who would prefer working for the lower-middle class people rather than constructing high buildings and roadways for personal transportation modes.
In September, while working for that art event, I got a call from my lecturer, who offered me another part time job, this time as a film researcher for a film restoration company that was about to launch its TV channel (for your information, I now have become a full-time employee for the station and last week was my first job anniversary). I was offered a good salary and my job description include researching about prominent Indonesian filmmakers or actors/actresses for their programs. My lecturer's production house was hired to produce the programs and I was responsible for the content of the programs, as my research would be the base. I too took the job offer, so I did two jobs at the same time. Some days I would show up at the art event or its head office, some I would show up at the TV channel or the production house, some I would show up on both offices, and some I would show up at none since it would be my time at home to write the articles or prepare the concept and manage the contents of the programs.
As I have previously written, I got offered for a full time job by the TV station two months after working as a freelancer for them (and for the production house too, actually). Before officially offering me, the COO and GM have discussed with the production house that originally hired me about this matter. I took the job and became a full-time employee in November, although my contract with the art event ended in December, so I made a deal with the station that they would still let me work for the art event until my contract ends (the art event itself ends in January, so by the time the art event held its closing event, it was already a month since I last worked for them). I too made a deal with the art event that I would only cover weekend happenings and, if necessary, up to two weekday happenings within the whole month (I was given one though). Still in the same month of November, I took another part time job offered by my beloved dad, this time as a translator for a personal development module. So my personal time became extremely limited: during the day I would work as a full-time employee, at night I would translate, and during the weekends I would cover happenings that were related to the art event. Technically I had no time for myself; the only personal time I have would be going to church on Sundays (even if that means having to go to a very specific service time before or after covering the happening) and bicycling every morning for one hour and taking my dog for a very short walk afterwards. I missed going to the movies (which is my other sanctuary), hanging out with friends or even just for a short read or watching a movie at home. Starting from January, it's getting more organized, as I have finished working for the art event (the event ended that month as well) and the program production have finished too.
Also, I fall in love. After almost three years of not falling in love, I fall in love in December (and magically, that month again!) and am in a relationship now.
So...
The series that I once promised was brought up from the fact that at the time when I wrote it down, I was anxious, nervous and worried about myself. About my future to be exact. Four years in college may not seem like a long time for some, but once it's finished, you might feel perplexed for what will happen next. You just don't know what to do, you have this bulk of uncertainties right in front of your eyes, waiting to be encountered. You just really don't know what's next for you. That was what I felt, and so I thought that to reminisce those good ol' times and being nostalgic would be good to help me pass through the time and feelings.
Before I get to put my deep thoughts into it, before I even experience it, I already got myself two jobs. Not to be cocky though, not really at all, but that amount of responsibilities that I had to do limited my time so much that such things would no longer become necessary or relevant. When my graduation was held in December, I have become a full-time employee and my contract with the art event would end real soon. My anxiety of my near future's uncertainty has been lifted.
And that is why I deter myself from blogging about it and decided that I would not continue the series. Heck no, I haven't even started it yet and I would not start it, at least not for the time being. And about why I didn't blog for more than a year, well, the answer would be that... I don't know, perhaps life itself would be the best answer. Or maybe it's just myself. Plus, my Twitter was hacked, so I decided to dismiss myself completely from that micro-blogging social media, and that before that, Twitter was my only way of promoting this blog. So no, I'm not promoting this blog again. If you happen to be a unique reader, then welcome, and well done (or maybe not so much) for discovering this very nothing-special blog.
I'm not saying that my anxiety and worry of my near (and perhaps far) future is completely gone. I still have personal goals and plans that I haven't achieved or done yet. Those things would take me into a process, which might bring my anxiety and worries back. Well yes I have posted about my bucket list, but for me these personal plans are something bigger, because if I don't get to do these things, I am quite certain that I would regret. I would be unsatisfied and maybe feel dull about myself. I really hope that my dreams would come true.
Well then, I think that's all for my comeback now. I hope I'll write again soon.
